Here are some pics of Jerusalem from my rooftop balcony.
More pics to come!
"It is a land the Lord your God looks after, which the Lord your God always has his eyes on, from the year's beginning to the year's end." Deuteronomy 11:12
Saturday, August 31, 2013
My Front Yard Looks Like Hell
I couldn't have asked for a better dorm room at JUC. It is a rooftop room with a balcony that provides a panoramic view of the west side of Jerusalem. And, I have a unique view of hell, the Hinnom Valley. Hell is an English rendition of the Greek word Ge'enna which is derived from the Hebrew word Ge Hinnom which means "Valley of Hinnom." In the Hebrew Bible, it was known as a cursed place where idol worship to various Canaanite gods occurred, including Molech the god who demanded child sacrifice. Jesus used the word Ge'enna 11 times in his teachings. Below are a few pics from my room of the Valley of Hinnom.
Tzedekah Version 2.0
A big thank you to the ladies at Torah study. There are like the Jewish surrogate mothers I never had. They threw me a bon voyage potluck last week with great food. Between the contributors at Shaare Emeth, a volunteer at Ranken Jordan, and my parents over $200 is waiting to be doled out to an organization or individual worthy of receiving it. Thank you all!
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Charitable Justice
"The privilege of wealth lies not in what it allows us to do for ourselves, but what it enables us to do for others...We worship God spiritually by helping his creations physically."-Rabbi Jonathan Sacks
I have come to appreciate the enormous value and high regard for charity within the Jewish community. For the past year, I have attended Torah studies at a local synagogue and developed rapports with members of the congregation. Most, if not all, have ventured to Israel on numerous occasions and are ecstatic about my upcoming adventure. And, as a way of sharing in that adventure and perpetuating a long-standing tradition within Judaism to bless voyagers to Israel, members of the Torah study contributed a few dollars to a monetary pool for the explicit purpose of charity. At some point, I am to use this money to help another in need while in Israel.
What drives the Jewish people to engage in philanthropic endeavors for those less fortunate? Why would a group of people who don't consider Jesus the Messiah pool their money to bless an outsider like me for the purpose of charity? What gives them the confidence to trust me to give their money away and not keep it for myself?
Drastically different from our Christian mode of thinking, the Jewish concept of charity has far reaching implications that have colored my perception of Jesus and God. The Biblical Hebrew term for charity is tzedekah. The English equivalent is righteousness. Where the word righteousness appears in the Bible, charity can be substituted.
Tzedekah is a staple of Jewish theology and a way of life. It is an act predicated on selflessness, humility, honor, and dignity. It also allows the opportunity to imitate God. What lies behind this word? Why does Judaism so heavily emphasize tzedekah? Why does this mitzvah (religious obligation) rise above almost all other commandments? To sense the deeper understanding and applicability of tzedekah, we must enter into the Biblical perspective of the word.
Let's start with a concept that may seem like a non-sequitur but is integral to apprehending the notion of tzedekah: justice.
Tzedekah is virtually untranslatable to English because it links two ideas that in our language seem at odds with each other; namely charity and justice. Here is an example. Let's say I give someone $1000. Either I owe it to that person or not. If I owe it and repay, it is a form of justice. If not, then it is charity. Pretty simple, right? In English, a form of justice cannot be a form of charity and a form of charity cannot be a form of justice. What is so profound and radically awesome is that tzedekah means both!
The ideology of justice as charity and charity as justice springs forth from the Torah and from the undeniable delineation between ownership and possession. God owns everything. All of creation falls under the domain of God.
"The earth is the Lord's and everything in it."-Psalms 24:1
"The land must not be sold permanently because the land is Mine. You are merely strangers and temporary residents in relation to Me."-Leviticus 25:23
What we think we "own," we only possess; we have it on loan from God. Therefore, we are to be wise stewards of what is rightfully God's in the first place and more importantly share what we have with others. The Jewish community takes tzedekah so seriously, it can actually be enforced by a court system since it is a matter of legal justice.
Jesus touches on the concept of tzedekah in Matthew 6:1-3 and 6:33.
"Be careful not to practice yours acts of righteousness (tzedekah) in front of others..."
"Seek first his Kingdom and His righteousness (tzedekah)..."
Twice in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus mentions tzedekah.
"How blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness (tzedekah,) for they will be filled."-Matt 5:6
"How blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness (tzedekah), for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven."-Matt 5:10
Acts of charity were central to the tone and tenor of Jesus' core teachings and fell into the framework of common Rabbinical thought of the day.
The Hebrew word tzedekah first appears in Genesis when God provides his reasoning as to why He is choosing Abraham to be the torch bearer of a monotheistic faith:
"For I have chosen him so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just (tzedekah u-mishpat), so that the Lord will bring about to Abraham all that He has promised."-Genesis 18:19
The 'way of the Lord' is represented by two concepts, tzedekah and mishpat. Mishpat means retributive justice in a strict legal sense. Infringement upon natural societal laws must be dealt with. Cases are heard, evidence is weighed, and a verdict is dispensed. That is mishpat. Tzedekah is distributive justice. A society cannot function on retributive justice alone. Wealth and power may become concentrated into the hands of a few while others suffer from lack of resources. A civilization can fastidiously observe all legally binding issues while economic inequality becomes an epidemic. This is where tzedekah is paramount.
"There must be justice not only in how the law is applied, but also in how the means of existence-wealth as God's blessing-are distributed."-Rabbi Jonathan Sacks
Poverty is a demoralizing state. It strips humans of dignity, humiliates the soul, and extinguishes the basic rights for basic needs. God speaks out against economic hardship on numerous occasions.
"If there is a poor man among your brothers in any of the towns of the land the Lord your God is giving you, do not be hard-hearted or tight-fisted toward your poor brother. Rather, be open-handed and freely lend him whatever he needs...Give generously to him and do so without a grudging heart. Then because of this the Lord your God will bless you in all your work and in everything you put your hand to.There will always be poor people in the land. Therefore I command you to be open-handed towards your brothers and towards the poor and needy in the land."-Deut. 15:7-11
Giving is imperative to human existence. God freely gives to his creatures. And when we give, we meet God face to face.
"I will see your face through righteousness (tzedekah), and when I awake, will be satisfied with Your likeness."-Psalms 17:15
We come to know God more through our actions than our theology. To act with compassion and justice is to declare the image of God in others.
Rabbi Judah bar Ilai wrote this piece about tzedekah:
There are ten strong things in this world:
Rock is strong, but iron breaks it.
Iron is strong, but fire melts it.
Fire is strong, but water extinguishes it.
Water is strong, but the clouds carry it.
Clouds are strong, but the wind carries them.
Wind is strong, but man withstands it.
Man is strong, but fear weakens him.
Fear is strong, but wine removes it.
Wine is strong, but sleep overcomes it.
Sleep strong, but death stands over it.
What is stronger than death?
Acts of charity (tzedekah), for it is written, 'Tzedekah delivers from death.'-Proverbs 10:2
That line from Proverbs reverberates in my soul. Jesus demonstrated the supreme act of tzedekah by giving his life for us. His tzedekah delivered us from death. Jesus drove through life with tzedekah as his engine. How often do we read of Jesus offering compassion and charity, whether through healing, his presence, or his time, to others who were hurting?
Paul picks up on the idea of tzedekah. Paul uses the word righteousness 33 times in Romans alone.
"God presented the Messiah as a sacrifice of atonement, through the shedding of his blood-to be received by faith. He did this to demonstrate His righteousness (tzedekah)..."-Romans 3:25
God has no obligation to supply us with anything. Yet, He does. Now we are charged with passing on the blessing of charity to others, and lead others into a direct encounter with God through it.
Rabbi Jonathan Sacks quoted a sage who noted a fascinating topographical feature in the land of Israel. There are two seas in Israel: the Dead Sea and the Sea of Galilee. The latter is full of life: fish, birds, and vegetation. The former contains no life at all. Yet they are both fed by the Jordan River. The difference is that the Sea of Galilee receives water at one end and gives out water at the other. The Dead Sea receives but does not give. The Jordan ends there. To receive without reciprocating is a kind of death.
To live is to give.
*All analysis related to tzedekah were taken from "To Heal A Fractured Wold: The Ethics of Responsibility" by Rabbi Jonathan Sacks
I have come to appreciate the enormous value and high regard for charity within the Jewish community. For the past year, I have attended Torah studies at a local synagogue and developed rapports with members of the congregation. Most, if not all, have ventured to Israel on numerous occasions and are ecstatic about my upcoming adventure. And, as a way of sharing in that adventure and perpetuating a long-standing tradition within Judaism to bless voyagers to Israel, members of the Torah study contributed a few dollars to a monetary pool for the explicit purpose of charity. At some point, I am to use this money to help another in need while in Israel.
What drives the Jewish people to engage in philanthropic endeavors for those less fortunate? Why would a group of people who don't consider Jesus the Messiah pool their money to bless an outsider like me for the purpose of charity? What gives them the confidence to trust me to give their money away and not keep it for myself?
Drastically different from our Christian mode of thinking, the Jewish concept of charity has far reaching implications that have colored my perception of Jesus and God. The Biblical Hebrew term for charity is tzedekah. The English equivalent is righteousness. Where the word righteousness appears in the Bible, charity can be substituted.
Tzedekah is a staple of Jewish theology and a way of life. It is an act predicated on selflessness, humility, honor, and dignity. It also allows the opportunity to imitate God. What lies behind this word? Why does Judaism so heavily emphasize tzedekah? Why does this mitzvah (religious obligation) rise above almost all other commandments? To sense the deeper understanding and applicability of tzedekah, we must enter into the Biblical perspective of the word.
Let's start with a concept that may seem like a non-sequitur but is integral to apprehending the notion of tzedekah: justice.
Tzedekah is virtually untranslatable to English because it links two ideas that in our language seem at odds with each other; namely charity and justice. Here is an example. Let's say I give someone $1000. Either I owe it to that person or not. If I owe it and repay, it is a form of justice. If not, then it is charity. Pretty simple, right? In English, a form of justice cannot be a form of charity and a form of charity cannot be a form of justice. What is so profound and radically awesome is that tzedekah means both!
The ideology of justice as charity and charity as justice springs forth from the Torah and from the undeniable delineation between ownership and possession. God owns everything. All of creation falls under the domain of God.
"The earth is the Lord's and everything in it."-Psalms 24:1
"The land must not be sold permanently because the land is Mine. You are merely strangers and temporary residents in relation to Me."-Leviticus 25:23
What we think we "own," we only possess; we have it on loan from God. Therefore, we are to be wise stewards of what is rightfully God's in the first place and more importantly share what we have with others. The Jewish community takes tzedekah so seriously, it can actually be enforced by a court system since it is a matter of legal justice.
Jesus touches on the concept of tzedekah in Matthew 6:1-3 and 6:33.
"Be careful not to practice yours acts of righteousness (tzedekah) in front of others..."
"Seek first his Kingdom and His righteousness (tzedekah)..."
Twice in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus mentions tzedekah.
"How blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness (tzedekah,) for they will be filled."-Matt 5:6
"How blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness (tzedekah), for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven."-Matt 5:10
Acts of charity were central to the tone and tenor of Jesus' core teachings and fell into the framework of common Rabbinical thought of the day.
The Hebrew word tzedekah first appears in Genesis when God provides his reasoning as to why He is choosing Abraham to be the torch bearer of a monotheistic faith:
"For I have chosen him so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just (tzedekah u-mishpat), so that the Lord will bring about to Abraham all that He has promised."-Genesis 18:19
The 'way of the Lord' is represented by two concepts, tzedekah and mishpat. Mishpat means retributive justice in a strict legal sense. Infringement upon natural societal laws must be dealt with. Cases are heard, evidence is weighed, and a verdict is dispensed. That is mishpat. Tzedekah is distributive justice. A society cannot function on retributive justice alone. Wealth and power may become concentrated into the hands of a few while others suffer from lack of resources. A civilization can fastidiously observe all legally binding issues while economic inequality becomes an epidemic. This is where tzedekah is paramount.
"There must be justice not only in how the law is applied, but also in how the means of existence-wealth as God's blessing-are distributed."-Rabbi Jonathan Sacks
Poverty is a demoralizing state. It strips humans of dignity, humiliates the soul, and extinguishes the basic rights for basic needs. God speaks out against economic hardship on numerous occasions.
"If there is a poor man among your brothers in any of the towns of the land the Lord your God is giving you, do not be hard-hearted or tight-fisted toward your poor brother. Rather, be open-handed and freely lend him whatever he needs...Give generously to him and do so without a grudging heart. Then because of this the Lord your God will bless you in all your work and in everything you put your hand to.There will always be poor people in the land. Therefore I command you to be open-handed towards your brothers and towards the poor and needy in the land."-Deut. 15:7-11
Giving is imperative to human existence. God freely gives to his creatures. And when we give, we meet God face to face.
"I will see your face through righteousness (tzedekah), and when I awake, will be satisfied with Your likeness."-Psalms 17:15
We come to know God more through our actions than our theology. To act with compassion and justice is to declare the image of God in others.
Rabbi Judah bar Ilai wrote this piece about tzedekah:
There are ten strong things in this world:
Rock is strong, but iron breaks it.
Iron is strong, but fire melts it.
Fire is strong, but water extinguishes it.
Water is strong, but the clouds carry it.
Clouds are strong, but the wind carries them.
Wind is strong, but man withstands it.
Man is strong, but fear weakens him.
Fear is strong, but wine removes it.
Wine is strong, but sleep overcomes it.
Sleep strong, but death stands over it.
What is stronger than death?
Acts of charity (tzedekah), for it is written, 'Tzedekah delivers from death.'-Proverbs 10:2
That line from Proverbs reverberates in my soul. Jesus demonstrated the supreme act of tzedekah by giving his life for us. His tzedekah delivered us from death. Jesus drove through life with tzedekah as his engine. How often do we read of Jesus offering compassion and charity, whether through healing, his presence, or his time, to others who were hurting?
Paul picks up on the idea of tzedekah. Paul uses the word righteousness 33 times in Romans alone.
"God presented the Messiah as a sacrifice of atonement, through the shedding of his blood-to be received by faith. He did this to demonstrate His righteousness (tzedekah)..."-Romans 3:25
God has no obligation to supply us with anything. Yet, He does. Now we are charged with passing on the blessing of charity to others, and lead others into a direct encounter with God through it.
Rabbi Jonathan Sacks quoted a sage who noted a fascinating topographical feature in the land of Israel. There are two seas in Israel: the Dead Sea and the Sea of Galilee. The latter is full of life: fish, birds, and vegetation. The former contains no life at all. Yet they are both fed by the Jordan River. The difference is that the Sea of Galilee receives water at one end and gives out water at the other. The Dead Sea receives but does not give. The Jordan ends there. To receive without reciprocating is a kind of death.
To live is to give.
*All analysis related to tzedekah were taken from "To Heal A Fractured Wold: The Ethics of Responsibility" by Rabbi Jonathan Sacks
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Language
I'm looking forward with great anticipation to immersing myself in Middle Eastern culture; a culture Jesus knew well. I especially have my sights set on becoming fluent in Hebrew and Arabic. Jesus was most likely tri-lingual. He taught and probably spoke what scholars call Mishnaic Hebrew, the common dialect of the day. Modern Hebrew is much different than Biblical or Mishnaic Hebrew much like Shakespearean English is archaic compared to modern English. Jesus also conversed in Aramaic, and most likely spoke Greek given Israel's "melting pot" culture and numerous references in the Synoptic Gospels of his interactions with Gentiles who would not have spoken Hebrew or Aramaic. One scholar goes so far as to suggest Jesus may have known enough Latin to squeak by in a conversation given his interaction with Pilate.
What fascinates me is how striking the linguistic parallels are between then and now. Today, Israel is dominated by Hebrew, Arabic, and English. In Israel's ancient times, Hebrew, Aramaic, and Greek were the three prominent languages.The dominant world language during the time of Jesus was Greek much like English is the preeminent world language today. By and large, the people of Israel today are at minimum bi- lingual; they speak their native tongue and know English.
Acquiring the ability to converse with a foreigner in their own language lends instant credibility and respect. In my opinion, to speak another's language displays a willingness to identify, understand, and honor another's essence, heritage, and culture. Israel is unequivocally a shame and honor society. Respectful and honorable actions hold a lot of water in a society such as this. Language is one such way to exhibit honor and respect.
Language is a unifying and creative force. Through common language, we create societies, establish relationships, initiate conversations, work towards common goals, and invite others to share and build of what we only conceive in our heads. Language is the most expressive mode of originality. God created things through words. We create things through words.
To become well-versed in Hebrew and Arabic affords me the opportunity to build rapports with the locals. Furthermore, I want to become an expert in Biblical Hebrew to understand the story of God in its original language. How did that language influence and create the story we now read about? Why were some words chose to describe events? Why was Hebrew chosen as the lashon hakodesh (the holy tongue) of the Bible? What makes it so compelling and worthy to be used as the medium for the best selling book of all time?
What fascinates me is how striking the linguistic parallels are between then and now. Today, Israel is dominated by Hebrew, Arabic, and English. In Israel's ancient times, Hebrew, Aramaic, and Greek were the three prominent languages.The dominant world language during the time of Jesus was Greek much like English is the preeminent world language today. By and large, the people of Israel today are at minimum bi- lingual; they speak their native tongue and know English.
Acquiring the ability to converse with a foreigner in their own language lends instant credibility and respect. In my opinion, to speak another's language displays a willingness to identify, understand, and honor another's essence, heritage, and culture. Israel is unequivocally a shame and honor society. Respectful and honorable actions hold a lot of water in a society such as this. Language is one such way to exhibit honor and respect.
Language is a unifying and creative force. Through common language, we create societies, establish relationships, initiate conversations, work towards common goals, and invite others to share and build of what we only conceive in our heads. Language is the most expressive mode of originality. God created things through words. We create things through words.
To become well-versed in Hebrew and Arabic affords me the opportunity to build rapports with the locals. Furthermore, I want to become an expert in Biblical Hebrew to understand the story of God in its original language. How did that language influence and create the story we now read about? Why were some words chose to describe events? Why was Hebrew chosen as the lashon hakodesh (the holy tongue) of the Bible? What makes it so compelling and worthy to be used as the medium for the best selling book of all time?
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
I Want To Fly Like An Eagle
"The man spoke to me: Man, look closely and listen attentively and note well everything I am going to show you-for you have been brought here in order to be shown-and report everything you see to the House of Israel."-Ezekiel 40:4
Pictures speak to the heart. God's voice is most often embedded in ecological and anthropomorphic images if we only decelerate to take notice of them. The Bible frequently analogizes God using elements of nature and ordinary occupations. God is my rock. God is my shade. God is a mountain. God is my shepherd. God is a hen. God is a king.
As I've continued seek out God's will as it relates to my excursion to Israel, God has spoken words of affirmation to me through His creation; through big birds who don't make their home on Sesame Street.
On various occasions, I've observed predator birds-what I think are either hawks, falcons, or buzzards-gracefully hovering high in the air with the wind elevating them to new heights. The combination of keen eyesight and panoramic ascension give these birds a stunning perspective few other creatures enjoy. Also upon close observation, they don't exert a lot of energy flapping once they have caught the wind. They spread their wings and allow the wind to guide them on an unpredictable course. On one occasion, God spoke using these magnificent animals as his mouthpiece. In effect, this is what He said to me:
"My Spirit is the wind and you will be like this bird in Israel. Allow My Spirit, My breath, My wind, My direction to elevate you to new heights and guide you on your journey. In Israel, I will set you on high by My Spirit and you will see things from a completely different perspective than others-a view you will invite other people to experience. You don't know yet where you are going, but My Spirit will steer you correct."
Zechariah and Jesus comment on the Spirit of God-Zechariah endorsing Divine providence over human strength and Jesus pointing out the unpredictable nature of the Spirit.
"So He said to me: This is the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel: Not by might, not by power, but by My Spirit, says the Lord of Hosts." (Zech 4:6)
"The wind blows where it wishes and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit." (John 3:8)
"Spirit is a direction, the turning of all beings back to God. It is always more than-and superior to-what we are and know."-Abraham Joshua Heschel
God is leading me on an unpredictable, yet purposeful path through his powerful wind. Maybe those in whom the Spirit is strong do the most randomly radical things. They take leaps of faith knowing God will catch them. They trust, despite their overt doubts, God will come through in the clutch. They see visions and sense premonitions in the future and act upon them to bring them to fruition.
Whatever the case is, God is taking me to Israel to show, teach, and speak, so I can report back what I have seen and heard.
Pictures speak to the heart. God's voice is most often embedded in ecological and anthropomorphic images if we only decelerate to take notice of them. The Bible frequently analogizes God using elements of nature and ordinary occupations. God is my rock. God is my shade. God is a mountain. God is my shepherd. God is a hen. God is a king.
As I've continued seek out God's will as it relates to my excursion to Israel, God has spoken words of affirmation to me through His creation; through big birds who don't make their home on Sesame Street.
On various occasions, I've observed predator birds-what I think are either hawks, falcons, or buzzards-gracefully hovering high in the air with the wind elevating them to new heights. The combination of keen eyesight and panoramic ascension give these birds a stunning perspective few other creatures enjoy. Also upon close observation, they don't exert a lot of energy flapping once they have caught the wind. They spread their wings and allow the wind to guide them on an unpredictable course. On one occasion, God spoke using these magnificent animals as his mouthpiece. In effect, this is what He said to me:
"My Spirit is the wind and you will be like this bird in Israel. Allow My Spirit, My breath, My wind, My direction to elevate you to new heights and guide you on your journey. In Israel, I will set you on high by My Spirit and you will see things from a completely different perspective than others-a view you will invite other people to experience. You don't know yet where you are going, but My Spirit will steer you correct."
Zechariah and Jesus comment on the Spirit of God-Zechariah endorsing Divine providence over human strength and Jesus pointing out the unpredictable nature of the Spirit.
"So He said to me: This is the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel: Not by might, not by power, but by My Spirit, says the Lord of Hosts." (Zech 4:6)
"The wind blows where it wishes and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit." (John 3:8)
"Spirit is a direction, the turning of all beings back to God. It is always more than-and superior to-what we are and know."-Abraham Joshua Heschel
God is leading me on an unpredictable, yet purposeful path through his powerful wind. Maybe those in whom the Spirit is strong do the most randomly radical things. They take leaps of faith knowing God will catch them. They trust, despite their overt doubts, God will come through in the clutch. They see visions and sense premonitions in the future and act upon them to bring them to fruition.
Whatever the case is, God is taking me to Israel to show, teach, and speak, so I can report back what I have seen and heard.
Saturday, June 22, 2013
We Have Met The Enemy And He is Us-A.W. Toezer
I am my own worst enemy; my own satan if you will. The diabolic figure we typically attribute our woes to gets far too much credit in my opinion. Often times we perpetrate self-inflicting harm, all the while seeking another to blame. Although the adversary is real and wreaks havoc, the transference of blame from our self to an external party eliminates personal responsibility for our thoughts, actions, and sins.
I say all of this because recent doubts about this voyage to Israel have reared their ugly head. And, I'm fairly sure they stem from my dearth of self-confidence, a persistent negative perspective, and lack of trust in the One who has sent me. The voice of ambiguity clamors for my attention the closer my departure date draws near. Questions have surfaced regarding purpose: Should I stay or should I go? What am I doing? Am I crazy? Am I acting responsibly given my age and financial situation? Will this decision detrimentally affect the rest of my life? Am I getting ahead of myself? Is this scheduled trip ahead of God's time?
Upon a closer reading, inherent in all those questions is an undercurrent of negativity. Instead of viewing this as a potential unparalleled, watershed experience of spiritual wealth, I have conditioned myself to think of this experience as a nominal endeavor rife with nothing but the worst to come. In essence, I've made myself the lowest common denominator instead of making God the highest quotient.
Fortunately, I've had good counsel throughout this process to encourage, support, and keep me on the path God has set forth. However, I've begun wondering about the pathology of this sort of detrimental self-talk. What has caused these doubts to covertly creep in? Why the vacillation when I feel the gravity of God pulling me to Israel?
The best answer can be boiled down to these words: fear of uncertainty.
Uncertainty breeds doubts and doubts create challenges and challenges give rise to faith. And faith, the kind which bears no reason, offers no explanation, cuts against the grain of mainstream society, raises people from the dead, whispers quietly in the midst of chaos and appears downright ludicrous, will RATTLE YOUR CAGE. And when your cage gets rattled, you begin to learn about yourself.
I've learned some things about myself through this process; things I've already known and new issues that have arisen.
One, I'm a very anxious/preoccupied person, especially when it comes to future planning. When it comes to life altering decisions, I like everything laid out on a table for me to see in advance. Foolishly, this fictional wishful thinking often rubs up against the non-fiction of reality; the future is not meant to be known in the present. Occupational uncertainty and lack of financial security have begun to ruminate in my head constantly. Will I land a job once this educational opportunity is over? How much debt am I willing to absorb to pursue this calling? Will I be able to payoff this debt? Is the financial hit worth the spiritual investment? Will I even get enough money to stay for a second semester? If I don't, the credentials I plan to attain are nixed. So, will that affect my standing before future employers to teach what I have learned? Am even I cut out to be a teacher?
Two, the myopic view of life I employ at times causes me to forget all God has done already. At the outset, this enterprise was as good dead. God has steadily breathed life into it, breath by breath day by day.
For instance, I got accepted to this university which is easy to overlook. Bless God! I received a $2,000 scholarship from the school for each semester. Bless God! I have received monetary donations from a number of people willing to collaborate with me on this journey. Bless God! My family understands and supports this decision and have verbally stated "You need to be over there." Bless God! Uplifting conversations with a mentor from a far who attended JUC and went through the same process I am going through has validated my undertaking, going so far as to say "I have led 8 trips to Israel. You are the only person I could say that if I had the money I would send this kid to JUC." Bless God! A friend closer than a brother has provided unparalleled wisdom and encouragement and has walked with me to keep me sane and focused. Bless God! Through prayer, God has closed doors that needed to be closed in order to give me assurance that the path I'm on is good. Bless God! And, my parents said they could foot the second semester bill as a loan. Bless God!
Third, my self-confidence is deficient. I want to teach all I have learned and will learn. Yet, there are times when I feel a deep sense of inadequacy. I'm not yet good at verbal communication and my train of thought is like a ping pong ball. I'm horrible at organizing my thoughts on the fly and just bad at organization in general. My order is another's chaos.
Many of the iconic figures in the Bible struggled with self-doubt and a diminished sense of ability. Moses said he could not speak well. Jeremiah said he was too young to speak on behalf of God. Jonah fled from God when given his marching orders. Gideon claimed he wasn't strong enough to fight. At some point or another, many Biblical heroes struggled in their faith with God and the mission they were called to implement.
What is so comforting is God's refusal to give up on these individuals despite their inherent flaws and lack of self-esteem. Jonathan Sacks once said "more than we have faith in God, He has faith in us." We all have tasks appointed to us that only we have the ability to carry out that no one else can perform. God has such confidence in humans, that He appoints us to do his bidding here on earth. This brings me great peace in the midst of my reservations.
Rabbi Akiva, a 1st century rabbi from Capernaum, said: "The greatest sin is to teach a disciple to have faith in God, but not teach that disciple that God has faith in them."
That is the axiomatic truth I'm learning about God. I've been afforded this unique opportunity to understand, know, and learn who God is through living in Israel, the testing ground of faith. God DOES have the faith in me to be a good teacher. He DOES trust that I will make good on the investment he is pouring into my soul. He has faith that I can do what I'm anointed to do. He believes I can be like Him. He trusts I will be what He has ordained me to be. He has faith in Himself that he will provide what I need to be there. The question is do I have faith that He has faith in me.
Abraham Joshua Heschel made a remarkable statement in one his books: "The greatest sin is to forget that you are a prince."
I am royalty with all things given to me through Yeshu'a the Mashiach.
Despite all the confidence God has in me, the internal war wages. I'm reminded of the man Yeshu'a encountered in Mark's account of the son possessed by a spirit who caused him to convulse and foam at the mouth. Yeshu'a's profession of "everything is possible for one who believes" is followed up the man's confession of "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief."
Those man's words are mine today.
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I say all of this because recent doubts about this voyage to Israel have reared their ugly head. And, I'm fairly sure they stem from my dearth of self-confidence, a persistent negative perspective, and lack of trust in the One who has sent me. The voice of ambiguity clamors for my attention the closer my departure date draws near. Questions have surfaced regarding purpose: Should I stay or should I go? What am I doing? Am I crazy? Am I acting responsibly given my age and financial situation? Will this decision detrimentally affect the rest of my life? Am I getting ahead of myself? Is this scheduled trip ahead of God's time?
Upon a closer reading, inherent in all those questions is an undercurrent of negativity. Instead of viewing this as a potential unparalleled, watershed experience of spiritual wealth, I have conditioned myself to think of this experience as a nominal endeavor rife with nothing but the worst to come. In essence, I've made myself the lowest common denominator instead of making God the highest quotient.
Fortunately, I've had good counsel throughout this process to encourage, support, and keep me on the path God has set forth. However, I've begun wondering about the pathology of this sort of detrimental self-talk. What has caused these doubts to covertly creep in? Why the vacillation when I feel the gravity of God pulling me to Israel?
The best answer can be boiled down to these words: fear of uncertainty.
Uncertainty breeds doubts and doubts create challenges and challenges give rise to faith. And faith, the kind which bears no reason, offers no explanation, cuts against the grain of mainstream society, raises people from the dead, whispers quietly in the midst of chaos and appears downright ludicrous, will RATTLE YOUR CAGE. And when your cage gets rattled, you begin to learn about yourself.
I've learned some things about myself through this process; things I've already known and new issues that have arisen.
One, I'm a very anxious/preoccupied person, especially when it comes to future planning. When it comes to life altering decisions, I like everything laid out on a table for me to see in advance. Foolishly, this fictional wishful thinking often rubs up against the non-fiction of reality; the future is not meant to be known in the present. Occupational uncertainty and lack of financial security have begun to ruminate in my head constantly. Will I land a job once this educational opportunity is over? How much debt am I willing to absorb to pursue this calling? Will I be able to payoff this debt? Is the financial hit worth the spiritual investment? Will I even get enough money to stay for a second semester? If I don't, the credentials I plan to attain are nixed. So, will that affect my standing before future employers to teach what I have learned? Am even I cut out to be a teacher?
Two, the myopic view of life I employ at times causes me to forget all God has done already. At the outset, this enterprise was as good dead. God has steadily breathed life into it, breath by breath day by day.
Third, my self-confidence is deficient. I want to teach all I have learned and will learn. Yet, there are times when I feel a deep sense of inadequacy. I'm not yet good at verbal communication and my train of thought is like a ping pong ball. I'm horrible at organizing my thoughts on the fly and just bad at organization in general. My order is another's chaos.
Many of the iconic figures in the Bible struggled with self-doubt and a diminished sense of ability. Moses said he could not speak well. Jeremiah said he was too young to speak on behalf of God. Jonah fled from God when given his marching orders. Gideon claimed he wasn't strong enough to fight. At some point or another, many Biblical heroes struggled in their faith with God and the mission they were called to implement.
What is so comforting is God's refusal to give up on these individuals despite their inherent flaws and lack of self-esteem. Jonathan Sacks once said "more than we have faith in God, He has faith in us." We all have tasks appointed to us that only we have the ability to carry out that no one else can perform. God has such confidence in humans, that He appoints us to do his bidding here on earth. This brings me great peace in the midst of my reservations.
Rabbi Akiva, a 1st century rabbi from Capernaum, said: "The greatest sin is to teach a disciple to have faith in God, but not teach that disciple that God has faith in them."
That is the axiomatic truth I'm learning about God. I've been afforded this unique opportunity to understand, know, and learn who God is through living in Israel, the testing ground of faith. God DOES have the faith in me to be a good teacher. He DOES trust that I will make good on the investment he is pouring into my soul. He has faith that I can do what I'm anointed to do. He believes I can be like Him. He trusts I will be what He has ordained me to be. He has faith in Himself that he will provide what I need to be there. The question is do I have faith that He has faith in me.
Abraham Joshua Heschel made a remarkable statement in one his books: "The greatest sin is to forget that you are a prince."
I am royalty with all things given to me through Yeshu'a the Mashiach.
Despite all the confidence God has in me, the internal war wages. I'm reminded of the man Yeshu'a encountered in Mark's account of the son possessed by a spirit who caused him to convulse and foam at the mouth. Yeshu'a's profession of "everything is possible for one who believes" is followed up the man's confession of "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief."
Those man's words are mine today.
.
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